Why do we Suck at Accepting Compliments?

At one point or another in your life, you've probably received a compliment you didn't think you deserved, and maybe you didn't even know how to respond to it. If you're anything like me, you might have even denied it or perhaps tried to justify the compliment itself. But why do so many of us struggle at accepting compliments? I mean, it's ridiculous, someone's praising us and our efforts, yet we shirk away from it like it's a curse.

An interesting survey by JD Williams found that 45 per cent of people have admitted to rejecting a compliment before. Of those surveyed, it found that 52 per cent of women reject compliments when given them. They also found out the nation’s favourite compliment was “you look happy,” and when others complimented their outfit, 42 per cent said, "I've had this outfit for years." One in ten men will say "they didn't have anything else to wear," and one in five women will say, "they got it in the sale".

These statistics demonstrate how difficult some people find accepting compliments, especially when it comes to their appearance and characteristics. Surprisingly, although being told you look happy was reasonably accepted, women preferred this compliment over men.

So, again, why do compliments make us feel so uncomfortable? Thankfully, there is a scientific reason for this and why we may refuse to accept compliments, and it's broken down into three factors and explains how we get ourselves into this endless cycle.

1. You have low self-esteem

A research study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that commonly those with low self-esteem will have the most difficulty accepting compliments. They will struggle to find truth in the compliment because of the way the compliment aligns with their feelings about themselves and their overall self-worth. It creates a personal dilemma for them: what is the truth? Either the way they view themself is wrong, or the other person is lying. It's hard to believe you suck whilst also believing someone else when they assure you that you don't.

2. Your self-image doesn’t line up

Due to your low self-esteem, compliments don't make sense to you and don't align with how you see yourself. This process is known as cognitive dissonance and is used by psychologists to refer to the inconsistent thoughts and beliefs you are having about yourself. For example, if someone says you are smart and praises the work you have done, whether in an educational environment or at work, and you don’t believe it, it might lead you to further doubt yourself and your abilities. If you genuinely don't believe what they're saying, but they're adamant that you are smart, you might wonder what else you've got wrong. In fact, most people will try to justify the compliment by saying things like, "oh, I just got lucky this time."

3. You’re scared of high expectations

By justifying compliments, you relieve yourself of the pressure of maintaining a standard that will result in similar/or more compliments. You continually doubt yourself because of your low self-esteem, so justifying compliments is a way to let yourself off the hook and take a step away from the pressure.

I mean, don't get us wrong, maybe when you reject compliments, you’re just being humble, but in the off chance you aren’t, those are the reasons you probably don’t like receiving them.

LifestyleKate StevensonMay 12, 2022